Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The C word

So last week, Lanny had to go in and get an ultrasound done because he had a lump under his arm.
Yeah, it's lymphoma. 
We don't even know what kind of lymphoma yet.  I'm guessing it's the non-hodgkins, but i'm not sure.  We won't really know anything until Thursday.  I've had so many crazy thoughts running through my head.  I don't know just how to feel yet.  I'm terrified, I'm hopeful, I'm MAD.  I just don't know how to feel yet I guess.  On the upside... 1) this is a very treatable cancer, according to our family doc and 2) Lanny will probably end up retiring, which is great for him and me :D
But there's a little part of me that cries, "yeah, but you weren't scared when teresa got it, cuz it was so early and look how THAT turned out"  and there's another part, the martyr part that's devastated, asking "WHY??? Am I being punished?  Am I not supposed to be happy???   I JUST found him and now he's going to be taken from me???"  That part I kick into a corner though :)  Because I just don't believe that will happen.  He's my other half, so he can't be taken :D

But yeah, life moves on.  We're making plans, because we're heading to KY next week for Thanksgiving, which we've been looking forward to for months.    

Tell you what though, I'm lucky.  I have such a caring family.  I've talked about this quite a bit with Sherri, Heather's called, talked to Angelia, and my "other" sister Kathy.  It's great to have loved ones you can talk to :D

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